Social boundaries

Alternative title: Yeah, I have gray hair-so what?!?!?

In India, one of the topics we used to teach to our trainees was how to use small talk with their North American customers. Rather than diving into the art of making small talk, we were mainly focusing on appropriate topics of conversation-since many topics considered appropriate in Indian culture are considered intrusive in North American culture. (e.g. politics, religion, personal information, and the like).

[I can't tell you how many times in India I was asked when I was getting married-even by people I had just met! I believe most North Americans would agree that the only time this kind of questioning is tolerated (though not encouraged) here is when your Great Aunt Sally asks you at your cousin's wedding.]

Anyway, after this weekend, I'm beginning to wonder if there is a cultural shift-maybe I was teaching the trainees all wrong. Maybe it is appropriate to make comments on peoples' physical attributes. Or maybe, just maybe, it just reflects the area I now live in.

This weekend, along with a couple of friends, I decided to go to the Pirates baseball game. As I was sitting on the bridge, waiting for one of my friends to show up, the guy sitting next to me randomly turns to me and says, "You're too young to have gray hair." Let me emphasize here that we had not had any previous conversation, not even an accidental catching of the eye-this was his opening comment!

I was immediately at a loss for words. I mean, I too, agree with this sentiment-though I do have a few gray hair, I (mostly) feel too young to have as much as I do. But, I was confused-in my mind this comment crossed all appropriate social bounds-even if he did notice that I had gray hair, why would he think that I wanted that pointed out? Was it supposed to be a compliment? Was he insulting me?

He seemed to take the confused smile on my face as incentive to continue the conversation by asking me the time. When I replied, "6:34" he replied with, "well, at 6:35, you'll still be too young to have gray hair!" Amid my uncomfortable chuckles and mild protests, he got up and repeated his original statement: "I still say you're too young to have gray hair."

What would you have said or done in that situation? I've thought about it and now I know what I'm going to do-I'm going to go get myself some Clairol!

Bollywood at Boyd

Now that I've made peace with my experience in India, I'm on the lookout for ways to experience doses of Indian culture locally. Usually, I end up eating dosas and idlys at Udipi Cafe which typically sates my cravings for South Indian food and atmosphere. However, I was intrigued to find a notice in the local newspaper advertising an event titled "Bollywood at Boyd". Wanting to see quite what it would be like, being able to convince a couple of friends to check it out, and having an opportunity to don an item of 'ethnic dress' that I brought back from India, I decided to check it out.

After doing a bit more research, I found that the event was being held at Boyd Community Center to highlight a new Bhangra dancing exercise class that the center wants to begin in the fall. [If I'm still in the area, I'm going to have to check it out-maybe next time I visit India I can get a part as an extra in a real Bollywood movie! :)] The event was scheduled from 6pm-8pm, with the crafts & 'fair' part in the first hour and the dance performances the second hour. Since it looks like it was organized by an American, I wasn't sure whether we should take into account IST. After a bit of conferring, we decided to show up around 6:30 pm. Unfortunately we didn't, however, take into account getting lost. After driving around Fox Chapel for a bit and making calls for help, we were able to make it to the event slightly before 7:00 pm, so we missed out on most of the crafts and most of the food. Fortunately, we did make it in time to see the dance & drum performance for the second half of the event. I was entertained by the dancing and impressed by the tabla and dhol players. It almost made me want to get up and dance, which was a good thing because for the last song, they asked the audience to get up and follow the instructor in a variety steps. She claimed that she teaches it to children, but there were quite a few participants (myself included!) who still had difficulty following the motions-which makes me wonder if we will be able to learn bhangra or if we will be rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves trying to do it.

Anyway, I didn't take pictures myself, but you can find them on Boyd Community Center's website.

Tata Nano

Ok I'm back! I know it has been waaaay over a month since I last left you all with the story about our boat trip in India. I wanted to finish out writing about our trip with a summary of what the trip meant to me. But somehow, I just couldn't figure out what to say. Wouldn't that make it so final? But I don't intend to be done with India-at least not yet. I still have people there to visit, weddings to attend, and my retirement to consider. :)

I guess what I can take away from the trip, though, is that India still draws me. While there, I had the opportunity to discuss returning to my previous company & my previous life. To my surprise, instead of instantly negating the idea, I spent a good portion of the trip vacillating back & forth on the idea. As you may have surmised, I opted not to at this point in time. But the fact remains that I still felt the pull of India.

Another reason that this post is slightly delayed is that I have experienced yet another round of bad car-ma. Obviously, in a previous life I have inflicted some horrible punishments on cars and this time around they are paying me back. This particular round necessitated the purchase of a new car. As I investigated a range of cars and prices, I remembered hearing about the new Tata Nano. If you haven't heard, the Nano is now the cheapest car that is sold anywhere in the world (around $2000 USD).

Tata motors started taking orders for the car in April of this year, with delivery scheduled to start in July. [I anticipate it to actually start rolling out in 2010-IST, you know.] I'm interested to see how well these cars do in India-I know in Chennai, people are going to have to spring for a deluxe version, with the A/C for the summer months, which might not make the pricing as competitive as it initially seems. I'm even more interested to see, however, how the infrastructure and traffic patterns (both already stretched near the breaking point) hold up under the large influx of cars forecasted to hit the roadways in the next couple of years.

Boat Trip

Unfortunately, upon our return to Chennai, our scheduling problems continued. Liz tried vainly to keep rescheduling people and events, so that we would get to see and do most of what we wanted in our remaining few days in India.

Luckily, one of the things we did get to do was meet up with one of my former co-workers at a resort on ECR (East Coast Road). While we were there, they arranged a ride for us on a fishing boat. I was so excited; this was one thing I had wanted to do while living in Chennai, but had not been able to arrange! This was the guy who arranged the trip for us:

The fishermen obviously were used to giving rides to foreigners as they provided us with life jackets:

The ride was actually a bit short: we hopped in the boat, rode out over the swells to calmer water, took pictures and returned to the shore. However, since the sun was setting and we were very, very wet (you can read Liz' account of it here) we didn't object. Besides, everyone promised that the next time we returned (if we came earlier in the day), we could take a longer trip.

After we watched the crew push off, we decided to head down to Mahabilipuram to shop for souvenirs and see the town again. (This was on our wish list of things to do!) Liz was able to take a few tourist pictures there as well-who visits India without taking at least one picture of cows on the street?

Bangalore!

Pretty much every vacation that Liz and I ever took together included massive amounts of shopping, so when we began planning this vacation of course we had to plan a trip to Bangalore! Of course we both had people we wanted to meet there as well, but a large portion of the time in Bangalore was scheduled for shopping.

The problem, however, lies in the use of the word 'scheduled'. All through the trip, Liz faithfully kept a schedule of the people we wanted meet, our available times, and the things we wanted to see and do (including shopping!) Every time we had to reschedule something (due to illness, someone's change in plans, or whatever) she made sure to pull out her calendar and figure out a new time for the event. I am deeply indebted to her for her organization or else I am sure we wouldn't have gotten to do half of the things we wanted to do. Unfortunately, it was in Bangalore where we really saw the schedule break down. Pretty much everything we scheduled in got postponed, changed, or cancelled and though we attempted to squeeze it all in at the end, the reality was that we only had 4 days in Bangalore, and we missed out on a few things.

The problem with the schedule was a source of endless amusement for some of our friends and prompted philosophical discussions between the two of us as to whether it was even realistic to try and keep a schedule in India. It was, by the end of the trip, a vivid reminder of what living in India is like, in terms of the fluidity of time.

Anyway, we did get to do several things we wanted to do while in Bangalore. Of course there were several instances of shopping! We got to see He's Just Not That Into You; a chance for us to laugh through a chick-flick together (a rarity since we currently live on opposite sides of the country!) [Read Liz' blog for a more thorough description of that] And we got to hang out at Mocha with several of our friends. (Even though the poutine is not as good as at the Mocha in Chennai!)

Liz & Shirmeen wondering how to use these forks in the poutine!

Ahmed & I relaxing with a hookah!

India Strikes Back!

Alternative title: Am I Getting Old?

After 3 days of celebrating the wedding, Liz & I managed to drag ourselves back to Chennai. And I really mean drag. I don't know what's going on-it seemed to take a long time to get over the jet lag this time (and I don't know if I feel that I'm completely over it at this point in the trip!) Maybe I am getting old. I did celebrate a birthday on this trip:

Maybe it has more to do with the bout with the infamous 'Delhi Belly' that I had. Now granted when I lived in India there were a couple of times that I had stomach problems, but I don't remember anything quite this bad! I guess I should have been more careful about the food I ate and the water I drank-my body's just not used to it anymore! Hopefully this clears up soon so that I can enjoy our time in Bangalore!

The Wedding, Day 3: The Valima (Reception)

A.K.A. Happy Valentine's Day!

The valima was the shortest of all the days we spent at the wedding, partly due to our departure back to Chennai early the next morning and partly because, by this point, most of the ceremonies had been completed.



The bride arrived...


...and, finally, stood next to the groom as a wife (as opposed to a bride.)

Don't they make a handsome couple?!?!

After dinner, we had a turn to take photos with the couple:

We also took pictures with his cousins who looked after us so well during all the events!!!

But 3 days of late night celebrations and our impending early morning departure began to take it's toll. (Or maybe we're just getting old! *shudder*)

The Wedding, Day 2: The Wedding

Despite our late descent into slumber, Liz and I did manage to get up in time to head to the Charminar bazaar to purchase bangles to complement our outfits for the next two days of wedding functions. While we were there, the groom, his male relatives and the bride's male relatives went to the mosque to complete the marriage contract. The groom called me afterward to tell me he was now a married man, upon which I offered my heartiest congratulations!

In the evening, we decked ourselves out in our grandest outfits (with our new accessories!) And the winner is...(drum roll please):

The tie between the gaghra & the green sari was broken by the weighted votes of the groom & his mother! :)

That picture was taken as we were waiting for the groom to arrive. He soon arrived accompanied by much drumming and dancing:

Meanwhile, the bride sat posed on the stage, looking lovely:

I had to admire her fortitude because I don't know if I could sit, looking down, for hours and hours-especially with everyone looking at me!

After dinner, the groom joined the bride on stage as they shared their "first look" at each other under the veil.

They then posed for pictures, for the first time as a couple.

Here they are with his family & with us foreigners:

At the end of the night, the groom led the bride off to her new home & new family.