Social boundaries

Alternative title: Yeah, I have gray hair-so what?!?!?

In India, one of the topics we used to teach to our trainees was how to use small talk with their North American customers. Rather than diving into the art of making small talk, we were mainly focusing on appropriate topics of conversation-since many topics considered appropriate in Indian culture are considered intrusive in North American culture. (e.g. politics, religion, personal information, and the like).

[I can't tell you how many times in India I was asked when I was getting married-even by people I had just met! I believe most North Americans would agree that the only time this kind of questioning is tolerated (though not encouraged) here is when your Great Aunt Sally asks you at your cousin's wedding.]

Anyway, after this weekend, I'm beginning to wonder if there is a cultural shift-maybe I was teaching the trainees all wrong. Maybe it is appropriate to make comments on peoples' physical attributes. Or maybe, just maybe, it just reflects the area I now live in.

This weekend, along with a couple of friends, I decided to go to the Pirates baseball game. As I was sitting on the bridge, waiting for one of my friends to show up, the guy sitting next to me randomly turns to me and says, "You're too young to have gray hair." Let me emphasize here that we had not had any previous conversation, not even an accidental catching of the eye-this was his opening comment!

I was immediately at a loss for words. I mean, I too, agree with this sentiment-though I do have a few gray hair, I (mostly) feel too young to have as much as I do. But, I was confused-in my mind this comment crossed all appropriate social bounds-even if he did notice that I had gray hair, why would he think that I wanted that pointed out? Was it supposed to be a compliment? Was he insulting me?

He seemed to take the confused smile on my face as incentive to continue the conversation by asking me the time. When I replied, "6:34" he replied with, "well, at 6:35, you'll still be too young to have gray hair!" Amid my uncomfortable chuckles and mild protests, he got up and repeated his original statement: "I still say you're too young to have gray hair."

What would you have said or done in that situation? I've thought about it and now I know what I'm going to do-I'm going to go get myself some Clairol!

Bollywood at Boyd

Now that I've made peace with my experience in India, I'm on the lookout for ways to experience doses of Indian culture locally. Usually, I end up eating dosas and idlys at Udipi Cafe which typically sates my cravings for South Indian food and atmosphere. However, I was intrigued to find a notice in the local newspaper advertising an event titled "Bollywood at Boyd". Wanting to see quite what it would be like, being able to convince a couple of friends to check it out, and having an opportunity to don an item of 'ethnic dress' that I brought back from India, I decided to check it out.

After doing a bit more research, I found that the event was being held at Boyd Community Center to highlight a new Bhangra dancing exercise class that the center wants to begin in the fall. [If I'm still in the area, I'm going to have to check it out-maybe next time I visit India I can get a part as an extra in a real Bollywood movie! :)] The event was scheduled from 6pm-8pm, with the crafts & 'fair' part in the first hour and the dance performances the second hour. Since it looks like it was organized by an American, I wasn't sure whether we should take into account IST. After a bit of conferring, we decided to show up around 6:30 pm. Unfortunately we didn't, however, take into account getting lost. After driving around Fox Chapel for a bit and making calls for help, we were able to make it to the event slightly before 7:00 pm, so we missed out on most of the crafts and most of the food. Fortunately, we did make it in time to see the dance & drum performance for the second half of the event. I was entertained by the dancing and impressed by the tabla and dhol players. It almost made me want to get up and dance, which was a good thing because for the last song, they asked the audience to get up and follow the instructor in a variety steps. She claimed that she teaches it to children, but there were quite a few participants (myself included!) who still had difficulty following the motions-which makes me wonder if we will be able to learn bhangra or if we will be rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves trying to do it.

Anyway, I didn't take pictures myself, but you can find them on Boyd Community Center's website.