Social boundaries

Alternative title: Yeah, I have gray hair-so what?!?!?

In India, one of the topics we used to teach to our trainees was how to use small talk with their North American customers. Rather than diving into the art of making small talk, we were mainly focusing on appropriate topics of conversation-since many topics considered appropriate in Indian culture are considered intrusive in North American culture. (e.g. politics, religion, personal information, and the like).

[I can't tell you how many times in India I was asked when I was getting married-even by people I had just met! I believe most North Americans would agree that the only time this kind of questioning is tolerated (though not encouraged) here is when your Great Aunt Sally asks you at your cousin's wedding.]

Anyway, after this weekend, I'm beginning to wonder if there is a cultural shift-maybe I was teaching the trainees all wrong. Maybe it is appropriate to make comments on peoples' physical attributes. Or maybe, just maybe, it just reflects the area I now live in.

This weekend, along with a couple of friends, I decided to go to the Pirates baseball game. As I was sitting on the bridge, waiting for one of my friends to show up, the guy sitting next to me randomly turns to me and says, "You're too young to have gray hair." Let me emphasize here that we had not had any previous conversation, not even an accidental catching of the eye-this was his opening comment!

I was immediately at a loss for words. I mean, I too, agree with this sentiment-though I do have a few gray hair, I (mostly) feel too young to have as much as I do. But, I was confused-in my mind this comment crossed all appropriate social bounds-even if he did notice that I had gray hair, why would he think that I wanted that pointed out? Was it supposed to be a compliment? Was he insulting me?

He seemed to take the confused smile on my face as incentive to continue the conversation by asking me the time. When I replied, "6:34" he replied with, "well, at 6:35, you'll still be too young to have gray hair!" Amid my uncomfortable chuckles and mild protests, he got up and repeated his original statement: "I still say you're too young to have gray hair."

What would you have said or done in that situation? I've thought about it and now I know what I'm going to do-I'm going to go get myself some Clairol!