Social boundaries

Alternative title: Yeah, I have gray hair-so what?!?!?

In India, one of the topics we used to teach to our trainees was how to use small talk with their North American customers. Rather than diving into the art of making small talk, we were mainly focusing on appropriate topics of conversation-since many topics considered appropriate in Indian culture are considered intrusive in North American culture. (e.g. politics, religion, personal information, and the like).

[I can't tell you how many times in India I was asked when I was getting married-even by people I had just met! I believe most North Americans would agree that the only time this kind of questioning is tolerated (though not encouraged) here is when your Great Aunt Sally asks you at your cousin's wedding.]

Anyway, after this weekend, I'm beginning to wonder if there is a cultural shift-maybe I was teaching the trainees all wrong. Maybe it is appropriate to make comments on peoples' physical attributes. Or maybe, just maybe, it just reflects the area I now live in.

This weekend, along with a couple of friends, I decided to go to the Pirates baseball game. As I was sitting on the bridge, waiting for one of my friends to show up, the guy sitting next to me randomly turns to me and says, "You're too young to have gray hair." Let me emphasize here that we had not had any previous conversation, not even an accidental catching of the eye-this was his opening comment!

I was immediately at a loss for words. I mean, I too, agree with this sentiment-though I do have a few gray hair, I (mostly) feel too young to have as much as I do. But, I was confused-in my mind this comment crossed all appropriate social bounds-even if he did notice that I had gray hair, why would he think that I wanted that pointed out? Was it supposed to be a compliment? Was he insulting me?

He seemed to take the confused smile on my face as incentive to continue the conversation by asking me the time. When I replied, "6:34" he replied with, "well, at 6:35, you'll still be too young to have gray hair!" Amid my uncomfortable chuckles and mild protests, he got up and repeated his original statement: "I still say you're too young to have gray hair."

What would you have said or done in that situation? I've thought about it and now I know what I'm going to do-I'm going to go get myself some Clairol!

Bollywood at Boyd

Now that I've made peace with my experience in India, I'm on the lookout for ways to experience doses of Indian culture locally. Usually, I end up eating dosas and idlys at Udipi Cafe which typically sates my cravings for South Indian food and atmosphere. However, I was intrigued to find a notice in the local newspaper advertising an event titled "Bollywood at Boyd". Wanting to see quite what it would be like, being able to convince a couple of friends to check it out, and having an opportunity to don an item of 'ethnic dress' that I brought back from India, I decided to check it out.

After doing a bit more research, I found that the event was being held at Boyd Community Center to highlight a new Bhangra dancing exercise class that the center wants to begin in the fall. [If I'm still in the area, I'm going to have to check it out-maybe next time I visit India I can get a part as an extra in a real Bollywood movie! :)] The event was scheduled from 6pm-8pm, with the crafts & 'fair' part in the first hour and the dance performances the second hour. Since it looks like it was organized by an American, I wasn't sure whether we should take into account IST. After a bit of conferring, we decided to show up around 6:30 pm. Unfortunately we didn't, however, take into account getting lost. After driving around Fox Chapel for a bit and making calls for help, we were able to make it to the event slightly before 7:00 pm, so we missed out on most of the crafts and most of the food. Fortunately, we did make it in time to see the dance & drum performance for the second half of the event. I was entertained by the dancing and impressed by the tabla and dhol players. It almost made me want to get up and dance, which was a good thing because for the last song, they asked the audience to get up and follow the instructor in a variety steps. She claimed that she teaches it to children, but there were quite a few participants (myself included!) who still had difficulty following the motions-which makes me wonder if we will be able to learn bhangra or if we will be rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves trying to do it.

Anyway, I didn't take pictures myself, but you can find them on Boyd Community Center's website.

Tata Nano

Ok I'm back! I know it has been waaaay over a month since I last left you all with the story about our boat trip in India. I wanted to finish out writing about our trip with a summary of what the trip meant to me. But somehow, I just couldn't figure out what to say. Wouldn't that make it so final? But I don't intend to be done with India-at least not yet. I still have people there to visit, weddings to attend, and my retirement to consider. :)

I guess what I can take away from the trip, though, is that India still draws me. While there, I had the opportunity to discuss returning to my previous company & my previous life. To my surprise, instead of instantly negating the idea, I spent a good portion of the trip vacillating back & forth on the idea. As you may have surmised, I opted not to at this point in time. But the fact remains that I still felt the pull of India.

Another reason that this post is slightly delayed is that I have experienced yet another round of bad car-ma. Obviously, in a previous life I have inflicted some horrible punishments on cars and this time around they are paying me back. This particular round necessitated the purchase of a new car. As I investigated a range of cars and prices, I remembered hearing about the new Tata Nano. If you haven't heard, the Nano is now the cheapest car that is sold anywhere in the world (around $2000 USD).

Tata motors started taking orders for the car in April of this year, with delivery scheduled to start in July. [I anticipate it to actually start rolling out in 2010-IST, you know.] I'm interested to see how well these cars do in India-I know in Chennai, people are going to have to spring for a deluxe version, with the A/C for the summer months, which might not make the pricing as competitive as it initially seems. I'm even more interested to see, however, how the infrastructure and traffic patterns (both already stretched near the breaking point) hold up under the large influx of cars forecasted to hit the roadways in the next couple of years.

Boat Trip

Unfortunately, upon our return to Chennai, our scheduling problems continued. Liz tried vainly to keep rescheduling people and events, so that we would get to see and do most of what we wanted in our remaining few days in India.

Luckily, one of the things we did get to do was meet up with one of my former co-workers at a resort on ECR (East Coast Road). While we were there, they arranged a ride for us on a fishing boat. I was so excited; this was one thing I had wanted to do while living in Chennai, but had not been able to arrange! This was the guy who arranged the trip for us:

The fishermen obviously were used to giving rides to foreigners as they provided us with life jackets:

The ride was actually a bit short: we hopped in the boat, rode out over the swells to calmer water, took pictures and returned to the shore. However, since the sun was setting and we were very, very wet (you can read Liz' account of it here) we didn't object. Besides, everyone promised that the next time we returned (if we came earlier in the day), we could take a longer trip.

After we watched the crew push off, we decided to head down to Mahabilipuram to shop for souvenirs and see the town again. (This was on our wish list of things to do!) Liz was able to take a few tourist pictures there as well-who visits India without taking at least one picture of cows on the street?

Bangalore!

Pretty much every vacation that Liz and I ever took together included massive amounts of shopping, so when we began planning this vacation of course we had to plan a trip to Bangalore! Of course we both had people we wanted to meet there as well, but a large portion of the time in Bangalore was scheduled for shopping.

The problem, however, lies in the use of the word 'scheduled'. All through the trip, Liz faithfully kept a schedule of the people we wanted meet, our available times, and the things we wanted to see and do (including shopping!) Every time we had to reschedule something (due to illness, someone's change in plans, or whatever) she made sure to pull out her calendar and figure out a new time for the event. I am deeply indebted to her for her organization or else I am sure we wouldn't have gotten to do half of the things we wanted to do. Unfortunately, it was in Bangalore where we really saw the schedule break down. Pretty much everything we scheduled in got postponed, changed, or cancelled and though we attempted to squeeze it all in at the end, the reality was that we only had 4 days in Bangalore, and we missed out on a few things.

The problem with the schedule was a source of endless amusement for some of our friends and prompted philosophical discussions between the two of us as to whether it was even realistic to try and keep a schedule in India. It was, by the end of the trip, a vivid reminder of what living in India is like, in terms of the fluidity of time.

Anyway, we did get to do several things we wanted to do while in Bangalore. Of course there were several instances of shopping! We got to see He's Just Not That Into You; a chance for us to laugh through a chick-flick together (a rarity since we currently live on opposite sides of the country!) [Read Liz' blog for a more thorough description of that] And we got to hang out at Mocha with several of our friends. (Even though the poutine is not as good as at the Mocha in Chennai!)

Liz & Shirmeen wondering how to use these forks in the poutine!

Ahmed & I relaxing with a hookah!

India Strikes Back!

Alternative title: Am I Getting Old?

After 3 days of celebrating the wedding, Liz & I managed to drag ourselves back to Chennai. And I really mean drag. I don't know what's going on-it seemed to take a long time to get over the jet lag this time (and I don't know if I feel that I'm completely over it at this point in the trip!) Maybe I am getting old. I did celebrate a birthday on this trip:

Maybe it has more to do with the bout with the infamous 'Delhi Belly' that I had. Now granted when I lived in India there were a couple of times that I had stomach problems, but I don't remember anything quite this bad! I guess I should have been more careful about the food I ate and the water I drank-my body's just not used to it anymore! Hopefully this clears up soon so that I can enjoy our time in Bangalore!

The Wedding, Day 3: The Valima (Reception)

A.K.A. Happy Valentine's Day!

The valima was the shortest of all the days we spent at the wedding, partly due to our departure back to Chennai early the next morning and partly because, by this point, most of the ceremonies had been completed.



The bride arrived...


...and, finally, stood next to the groom as a wife (as opposed to a bride.)

Don't they make a handsome couple?!?!

After dinner, we had a turn to take photos with the couple:

We also took pictures with his cousins who looked after us so well during all the events!!!

But 3 days of late night celebrations and our impending early morning departure began to take it's toll. (Or maybe we're just getting old! *shudder*)

The Wedding, Day 2: The Wedding

Despite our late descent into slumber, Liz and I did manage to get up in time to head to the Charminar bazaar to purchase bangles to complement our outfits for the next two days of wedding functions. While we were there, the groom, his male relatives and the bride's male relatives went to the mosque to complete the marriage contract. The groom called me afterward to tell me he was now a married man, upon which I offered my heartiest congratulations!

In the evening, we decked ourselves out in our grandest outfits (with our new accessories!) And the winner is...(drum roll please):

The tie between the gaghra & the green sari was broken by the weighted votes of the groom & his mother! :)

That picture was taken as we were waiting for the groom to arrive. He soon arrived accompanied by much drumming and dancing:

Meanwhile, the bride sat posed on the stage, looking lovely:

I had to admire her fortitude because I don't know if I could sit, looking down, for hours and hours-especially with everyone looking at me!

After dinner, the groom joined the bride on stage as they shared their "first look" at each other under the veil.

They then posed for pictures, for the first time as a couple.

Here they are with his family & with us foreigners:

At the end of the night, the groom led the bride off to her new home & new family.

The Wedding, Day 1: Mehendi/Sanchak Dhamaka

I know many of you are dying to find out which outfit I wore to the actual wedding, but you will have to wait until Day 2. :)

Liz wrote about our train adventures to Hyderabad and I have nothing further to add to that. (But I recommend you read her description!) We arrived in Hyderabad in the morning on the first day of the wedding festivities. After getting settled in the hotel and relaxing for a couple of hours, we headed over to the groom's relatives' house to for the application of mehendi.

While this process was going on, we socialized with the women from his family while they were preparing gifts to be taken to the bride's house later that night. We were impressed by the clothing, accessories, sweets & snacks that were beautifully displayed and wrapped for the bride's family and guests. After the henna had dried and been washed off, my hands looked like this:

side note: The henna typically lasts around 2-3 weeks after the application. Parts of mine lasted until after I arrived home.

In the evening, we headed over to the bride's house, where we were warmly welcomed and made to feel comfortable by her family. This is a shot of the bride & her parents:

The groom's cousins' also looked out for us during all of the festivities. Here's a shot of Liz & I with one of the cousins:After dinner, the groom was brought in and the bride's family began to tease him by offering him sweets with chilies inside and other small pranks, while his family supported him and encouraged him to refuse their offerings. After that the groom and the bride posed for pictures (separately because they aren't officially married yet!) with all of their guests. Here we are with the groom and his brother:

The party lasted until 2:00 AM! With the sleeplessness of the train ride, the busy events of the day, and the plan of shopping in the morning (I always need more bangles!), Liz and I were quite ready to head back to our hotel and crash for the night!

Chennai

I'm confused as to how I'm supposed to feel being back in Chennai. What role am I supposed to play here? With what lens do I look at Chennai? As someone returning home? As a returning visitor? As a tourist? Before coming, Liz and I talked about how we wanted to be tourists on this trip-to take lots of pictures of things that we had just taken for granted before (whole families perched on the a motorcycle, cows, crowds, colorful scenes, etc.). But I'm not sure if I can totally be a tourist here. I have too much insider knowledge. I think I still have too much cynicism too.

I know I feel more like a tourist this time. I notice people staring at us a lot more than I used to. (Not that it didn't happen then, I think I had just learned to selectively ignore it!) But I also feel strangely connected to this place, or the people in this place. I felt the pull when a job possibility was mentioned to me. I felt the pull when I visited my former workplace and everyone thought I was returning instead of visiting. I felt the pull when listening to my friends talk about their future plans (weddings, babies).

I don't know. Maybe I'll be able to clear my head in a different city as we head off to Hyderabad for our friend's wedding.

On a lighter note, Liz is insisting that I post my fortune from the parrot as well.

I was a bit hesitant to get my fortune told because the last time I had it done, the parrot told me that I was would soon be blessed with a bouncing baby boy, which was not at all a comforting thought.

This time, however, was much better. Like Liz, I was reminded that Jesus is always with me. Then I was told that I'm friendly and gifted, but also moody, unpredictable, and easily angered. Despite that, I will have a successful career. Then he told me that I'm currently wondering if something is going to happen or not. He couldn't see whether it was going to happen or not, but if it did, it would happen in the next 5 weeks.

side note: as of this writing, it has been about 4 weeks since the parrot told my fortune. Thus, if it is going to happen, it has to be this week. Whatever "it" is.

Wow! Things CAN change in a short time in India!

As Liz said, Chennai was the first stop in our multi-city tour. We had a great time relaxing, meeting friends and, of course, shopping. [We have to look fabulously wonderful at the wedding, don't we???? :) ] One of the exciting parts of our roaming about was seeing all of the changes that have happened in Chennai since we left. For one, there are several new flyovers that have been built and/or completed. I was particularly surprised by the one in T. Nagar that wasn't even started when I left Chennai.











Even though the traffic was still heavy through the area, I could see how much the flyover improved the flow.

We were also excited to see the completion of the renovation of Old Mahabalipuram Road-the Tech Corridor. This project was started before we ever arrived in Chennai and often disrupted our travel to & from work when we worked at the Tidal Park office. Before I left, half of the renovation had been completed, but the second half was a dusty, rutted mess. The difference now is amazing!











More surprising, though, was the toll booth right outside of our former company's Perungudi office.


Along with the completion of the Tech Corridor renovation, we learned that the flying train was now running. When we were working at Tidal Park, we used to joke that we would come back to Chennai (for the inaugural trip!) in 10 years and be able to say, "We remember when this was being built. We thought that it would never be completed!" :) We actually planned to ride the train and take pictures for our blogs, but, unfortunately, that plan was derailed.

Preparation for India

I must say that the plane trip to India reminded me of many of the things I found frustrating about India-even starting out in JFK! I guess we shouldn't have been surprised, since we did fly Jet Airways, an Indian airline. (And Liz has vowed to never, ever fly with them again!) When Liz met me in JFK, we stood in line to see if we could change our seats in order to sit together on the onward flight. As we were standing in line, a Jet employee took our passports (with no explanation) to 'verify' them. Apparently everyone's passport needed to be inspected and verified before boarding, but that information wasn't deemed important enough to merit a general announcement-you had to be lucky enough to have the employee choose your passport to verify. When we got to the counter, another employee took our AA boarding passes and printed new Jet Airways boarding passes (again without bothering to explain anything). We found out later that we HAD to get new boarding passes to get on the plane, even though AA is a partner airline to Jet. [side note: the same did not apply upon our return-AA accepted my Jet boarding pass!]

Then, when we began to board the airplane, the ground staff announced that they would be boarding in rows and began to call off rows. Of course the only people who followed these directions were the white people, who remained in their seats while waiting for their rows to be called. The Indians all swarmed en mass, no matter which row they were seated in. I understand the mentality of Indians swarming for things when in India, I guess I just don't understand it when it still happens outside of India. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

The frustration didn't end, however, once we had boarded the plane. When we booked this flight, it was billed as a non-stop flight, with a brief refueling stop in Brussels. We assumed it would be a relatively quick stop and we would remain on the plane. Well, you know what they say about assuming... Upon arrival, everyone had to disembark from the plane. We were a bit concerned since we didn't have a separate boarding pass for Brussels. Then, we were a bit annoyed to find out that we didn't re-board the plane for over an hour. I'm sorry, but anytime you have to get off the plane and wait for more than an hour in the airport constitutes a LAYOVER and does NOT constitute a non-stop flight.

Luckily, the rest of the trip went smoothly. Oh, except for the crew IGNORING us (passing us by with the drink cart several times). And the entertainment system not working (and the crew not believing us that everyone on our side of the plane was having the same problem!) And them only having vegetarian food by the time they did get around to serving us. It was a RELIEF to finally land in Chennai!

I'm not dead yet!

And I hope that's the last Monty Python quote for this blog! :)

I have now returned to the US from India (with my head still attached to my body-for those that were worried). The wedding I attended was much less dramatic and much more enjoyable...but more about that later. As you can see, I greatly overestimated the time that I would have to blog while I was in India. Have no fear, my loyal readers, as I have taken copious notes while there so that I could regale you with a myriad of stories of my travels in India. And for anything I miss, I am sure that Liz will be able to fill in the blanks. :) The good part about doing it this way means that I will be able to include pictures while I'm writing the stories instead of having to go back and add them later. While I was in India, I also discovered that my former co-workers are all reading my blog as well. It was quite a shock to have my former reporting manager show me that if you search Google Images for "Onam wear" the first two pictures are from my blog! :) And again I didn't know quite what to say when I was introduced to a new communication trainer who said, "You're Lori? I read your blog!" :) So now I guess the pressure is really on! (Let's just hope that I don't write ALL of my posts in the sleep-lacking, jet-lag induced state I am in now!) :)

Slumdog Millionaire

I finally was able to see Slumdog Millionaire and I can't rave enough about the movie! I'm so glad that I was able to see it before I left on my trip. If you haven't heard by now, Slumdog Millionaire is the award-winning movie that tells the story of a slumdweller who wins Rs. 1,000,000 on an Indian game show and is immediately imprisoned under suspicion of cheating. The storyline develops as he explains how he actually knew the answers to the questions. And, like in any good Indian movie, there is a love story that goes along with it.


As you may or may not know, Slumdog Millionaire is loosely based on the book Q & A by Vikas Swarup. I want to emphasize the words loosely based on here because other than the rough outline of the story there are few similarities between the book and the movie. I read the book over the summer, and while I was entertained by the premise of the book, I found it a bit lacking in the way it was carried out. The movie, however, seemed to encapsulate the story a bit better.

Now that the movie is being nominated and talked about, it is interesting to see what criticisms are leveled against it. Even before I saw the movie, my eye was caught by a blog post titled Slumdog Millionaire Could Only Have Been Made By A Westerner. In the post, the author claims that only a Westerner could produce a movie that addresses the poverty that such a large part of India's population lives with daily. He levels sharp criticism at Bollywood for ignoring the poor and making only 'flimsy films about the lives of the middle class'. But is that really the issue with Slumdog Millionaire? First of all, director Danny Boyle loves India-he has admitted so and you can see it in practically every scene in Slumdog Millionaire. But, was the purpose of the film to address poverty in India? No, it was the rags-to-riches storyline that moviegoers love. Secondly, Bollywood does make stories that have a certain formula to them, stories that showcase love triumphing over all obstacles. But who do these movies appeal to the most? The same poor that the Bollywood elite is accused of ignoring. Movies in India are especially designed to be a fantasy world, in order to help the viewer escape the realities of their own life. We must remember that the relative cost to see a movie in India (vs. seeing one in the US) makes it an affordable escape for even those slumdwellers shown in Slumdog Millionaire. So, is Bollywood making mindless drivel while ignoring the majority of their countrymen, or are they catering to their largest market?

In my opinion, Slumdog Millionaire is a success because it brings to a Western audience the fantasy of a Bollywood movie in a format that they can appreciate. It will be interesting to see how it will continue to perform in India-whether it will appeal to the masses or merely the more 'Westernized' segment of the country.

Wicked Women of the Raj

Ever since I heard Liz' ringing endorsement of Slumdog Millionaire, I've been trying to see it for myself. I convinced a friend here to go with me last weekend, but, by the time we got to the theater, it was already sold out. We made the best of a bad situation by stopping at Half-Priced Books, where I found this gem: Wicked Women of the Raj by Coralie Younger.




*side note: I bought this at Half-Priced Books, right? Half-Priced Books. For $7.98. When I looked it over more after getting it home, I realized that this particular edition had been bound for sale in India. The price? Rs. 295 (about $6, currently). Ummm....not quite half priced. :)



I was drawn to the book by it's subtitle: European Women Who Broke Society's Rules and Married Indian Princes, and by the questions posed on the back: Who were these women? Were they gold-diggers, or hopeless romantics hoping to enact their own Cinderella fairy-tale? Did they live happily ever after? I especially wanted the answer to the last question-I was hoping that I might be able to use this as a study guide for my upcoming trip!!! :)


The book, however, was not highly encouraging in this respect. Of the 20 stories in the book, only about a quarter of the marriages actually ended happily. Most of the firengi bahus were unable to cope with the consequences of their marriage to their Indian princes. The consequences were often fairly severe, including: ostricization from British society (they often weren't allowed to be recognized by any British official), unacceptance by the zenana (the women of the family) and the prince's subjects, continual infidelity by the prince, and being forced to give up a Western lifestyle-not quite the fairy tale life that most people imagine.



Even though it didn't encourage me to find a rich Indian prince during my trip, I still enjoyed reading the stories in the book. The author, an avowed Indiaphile, took care to include details that helps the reader really envision the lives that these women led. I highly recommend it to those who want a different view of life in India during the British Raj.

Congratulations, Ratika!

Like Liz, I want to add my congratulations to Ratika for her write up in the Hindu's Metro Plus Chennai! Ratika designed and created most of the jewelry that I brought back from India. Even in the US, every time I wear something that I purchased from her, I receive tons of compliments from both friends and strangers. I am greatly looking forward to adding to my collection when we visit her in Chennai on this trip.

The Pirates from Uttar Pradesh

Now that I'm blogging again, I want to bring attention to a story that, even though is a little old, most probably got lost amid the breaking news of the Mumbai attacks: Novice pitchers from India sign with the Pirates. I admit upon hearing this back in November, my thoughts initially were along the lines of "how hard up are the Pirates that they have to go to a country that doesn't even play baseball to recruit players?" (For those of you that aren't baseball fans, the Pirates finished their 16th consecutive losing season, so it might not be that strange of a question to ask.) However, since I was asked about it recently, I decided to do a little research into the story. No wonder Americans are interested in this story-it's the ultimate rags-to-riches storyline! These two guys from small villages in Uttar Pradesh enter a contest to see if there are any Indians out there that can throw a baseball over 90 mph. The contest was sponsored by a baseball scout trying to determine if India could be the next untapped source for new baseball talent. (Think Roberto Clemente from Latin America.) These two guys - the articles seem split on whether they were bowlers from cricket or javelin throwers before - made the finals and impressed the scout enough to bring them for training in the US. They worked on their training and conditioning well enough to be signed by the Pirates in November.

Most articles I read state that it is unlikely that we will see either Rinku or Dinesh make it to the mound in a major league game any time soon, but the fact that they are the first Indians to be signed by a professional sports team in America, along with the recent successes of a few notable Indian-Americans, such as Bobby Jindal, Kal Penn, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, & Paul Varghese, may help begin to dispel the stereotype of the Kwik-E-Mart Indian with the thick accent. Then again, maybe not.

In any case, be sure to check out Rinku & Dinesh's blog to see how they are adjusting to their training schedule and to the US as a whole! (I'm waiting to see what they think of playing baseball in the cooler months up north!)

An Indian Fashion Show

Now that I've got to go back for a wedding, of course the big question is: what do I wear? Liz and I have been informed that there are 3 days of functions for us to attend-which means 3 separate outfits! Of course we have planned for a lot of time for shopping but what with all the accessories needed, I'm trying to decided if I already have anything that is appropriate. I decided to have my own little fashion show to see what I had that would do (Plus I was extremely curious to see whether I would be able to tie a saree still!) and I have decided to put it up for public opinion to see what I should wear. Here we go:

First the salwars...

Then the sarees...

And last, but not least, a gaghara: