Maybe I wasn't quite as effective as I thought...

[chatting online with a former trainee today]

Trainee: Why did you leave the company?

Me: I was sick and tired of dealing with the unorganized crap that you have to deal with there.

Trainee: How are you now? Take care of your helath-that is more important.

Merry Christmas!

Now that I'm home spending Christmas with my family, I look back and truly appreciate the friends who have been there to celebrate with me in recent years.

Maybe it was in Kerala?*

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read"$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Germany and France .

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

Readers, it is your turn........Think .....before you see the answer...

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The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call. This is the only heaven on the Earth."

*Kerala's tagline is "God's Own Country"

Goa Story #2

I imagine everyone has been waiting with bated breath for the second Goa story. :)

As Liz said, there were plenty of things to get irritated about, but somehow we always managed to pull through by adding some humor to the situation. One of the more frustrating things for me happened on the evening boat cruise we took on our 1/2 day of sight-seeing. It's such great fun to be followed around the boat by a 15-year-old who, despite his lack of English, tries to hit on you. [And trust me, his English was bad: when he wanted to ask Liz a question about whether she had been to Kerala (where he was from), he faced her and asked, "And has she been to Goa?" (apparently, he didn't pay attention to that all important Pronoun lesson!) But, my favorite was when he asked me, "How is better? Kerala or Goa?" (And Malayalis pride themselves on their educational standards and their grasp of English!) :) ]

Luckily, Liz, in her uber-sneakiness, was able to snap a picture to remind us of it:

Unfortunately, by this point, he had changed out of his matching shorts (that were worn over his pants!) that prompted us to nickname him SuperBoy*!

*Many thanks to Mr. Texas, another tourist who helped us nickname as well as avoid SuperBoy!

Thanksgiving

Last year: this


This year: MMMMM!

Happy Thanksgiving!

On the way to Goa

Liz has certainly beat me in writing about our trip to Goa (if you haven't read it, you should go here, here, here, here and here!)* She's done such a good job of describing everything that I thought it would be redundant for me to repeat the same details. Instead, I thought that I would describe two smaller incidents of our trip.

Some time ago, you may remember, Reader's Digest conducted a (arguably unscientific) survey to determine the most polite cities in the world. As you may also recall, Mumbai ranked the lowest of the 36 cities on the list. After the experience we had at the Baskin Robbins counter in the Mumbai airport, I can see where they may have earned this reputation. Liz and I had a long layover in Mumbai, and so we decided to treat ourselves to Baskin Robbins while waiting. No one was at the counter, so we spent a little time debating over which chocolate flavors to choose. Liz even tasted a couple of flavors to help her narrow down the choices. As she starts to order, this older woman pushes her way between Liz and the counter. (Note: Liz was standing at a normal ordering distance between the counter, leaving room for maybe a small child to fit between her and the counter. Not really room enough for a middle-aged, stout woman to fit through.) Liz, somewhat graciously, allowed the woman room enough to look at the flavors; then, the woman, taking advantage of this**, starts giving orders to the guy behind the counter (who is still working on Liz' order and has not yet taken mine.) When he finished Liz' order, she butt in again, even though she still didn't know what she wanted. Then, another guy comes in, with money in hand***, giving his orders. I, of course, stepped in and placed my order. The guy behind the counter starts filling my order and the woman starts complaining. The guy behind the counter explains that I had been waiting. Then, the woman's husband chimes in, saying that they have a plane to catch. (Don't we all? It's kind of a pre-requisite for being in the airport these days!) Anyway, he continued scooping, I got my ice cream, but the whole incident left a bad taste in my mouth.

And now that I have been running on for longer than I thought, I will end here and write about the second incident later. Stay tuned!

*and if you want to read about our massive shopping experience, go here. She is not lying-it was seriously a full 8+ hours of shopping each day! I never thought I could be a full-time shopper! [My mother is probably fainting right now imagining it.]

**I'm not sure if I've talked about the lack of a queue mentality in Indians before, but here it went beyond that. I mean, I've been in India for 2.5 years now, I've learned how to adapt. This was way beyond normal levels-this was rude!!!

***this is typical jumping queue behavior-get the money out, flash it before the counter attendant in the hopes that he'll take you first because you are ready.

Trainer's Day

For the first time in my 2 1/2 years of being here, they actually recognized the trainers on Teacher's Day (Sept 5th). This is my favorite of the posters that they hung around our Center of Learning:

Happy Onam

My comm team celebrated Onam, the harvest festival of Kerala, by dressing in the traditional off-white and gold outfits of Kerala.

(Unfortunately, the pictures from the camera phone are blurry)

It was Jody's (our other North American trainer, from Canada) first time to wear a sari!

Eco-hotels are the way to go!

On the recommendation of our clients, Log and I decided to stay a weekend at The Dune to celebrate his birthday. The Dune is part of a growing trend in eco-hotels & resorts that provide a luxury setting while attempting to live in harmony with the environment. On the grounds of the resort, they grow many of the vegetables & spices that they use in cooking as well as the herbs used in the holistic & ayurvedic treatments available at the spa. The only vehicles allowed within the resort grounds are the battery-powered car and bicycles for the guests to use.

They offer a variety of themed accommodations, ranging from the "naturally cooled" beach cottages to the walled & gated family houses. We opted for the air-conditioned Bangle House, so named for the decorations using glass bangles evident throughout the room.

The service was great-I loved the way they took great pains to respect our privacy, even though we were attended by one of the resort dogs for a large portion of Sunday:

We had a great time, relaxing and watching old favorite movies on DVD (An Affair to Remember!!!!) as the resort does not have satellite TV. We had a great time and highly recommend The Dune. We look forward to trying more eco-hotels in the future.

Pictures for Liz

In response to Liz' blog:

Liz,

There is some pictorial evidence from your visit to Chennai, but I have to admit that they are not as up to the mark as on previous visits. :) Now that I have access to a laptop again, I can post them for you. Enjoy!

Thanjavur

One of the first things that I did when I got back to India was take a train journey to Thanjavur (pronounced Tanjore) to attend Log's friend's brother's wedding. I do not recommend flying for 20+ hours and then, within 48 hours, taking a 12+ hour train ride to attend a major function in a small town. Beware if you do so, because you might end up looking like this:

And the people there will look at you like this:

I actually don't remember much about the ceremony. (Not that I knew what was going on most of the time anyway!) But, after I was able to rest, we were able to visit the famous Bragatheeswarar Temple (The Big Temple). It hosts one of the largest statues of Nandhi, the bull ridden by Shiva (the destroyer/transformer). Then it was again time to get on the train and head back to Chennai.

Customer Service

My mom sent me this great email:

When you call Customer Service and speak to someone in India and you can't understand him/her, perhaps it's a fault in the wiring?

I must admit, I've never actually seen anything even approaching this bad while I've been here. However, it does remind me a lot of the descriptions in Suketu Mehta's book, Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Found. (I recommend this book for anyone who is familiar with India.) He describes taking a flat in Bombay (Mumbai) and how each tenant had brought in a new electrician to completely rewire the flat. I'm sure you can imagine how tangled up and patched together things would end up being after several tenants. He also describes how the slums and other poor communities tap into electricity sources. I imagine that it would eventually end up looking something like this.

I'm back!

Hi Everyone! (Although I'm not even sure if there will still be an everyone out there! Maybe no one will be checking my blog anymore, since it has been so long since I posted! :-( )

Oh, well, in the hopes that I still have a few readers left, let me update you all on my life. The reason that I have been so busy is that there are a bunch of new North American trainers that have come to work at our office with me. One is here on a year contract like I am, while the other three are here on a temporary basis (though there is already pressure on them to stay longer!) So, I've been spending most of my free time helping them get adjusted to India-finding the things they need, teaching them how to get things done, and translating (well, Log gets to do most of that!)

Basically I have realized that our company has learned absolutely nothing from the original group of NA trainers that they brought here. These new trainers all had similar stories of being picked up at the airport by a company driver who didn't speak much English and dumped into an apartment with no information on how/where to get food, change money or the like. In fact, there were originally 4 temporary trainers, but one has already decided he couldn't take it and jumped at the first opportunity to go back.

I, however, am happy that they are here. I didn't realize how much I was missing Ralph and Tim after their respective departures...and how alone I felt. Therefore, I'm doing my best to help them get settled here so that I will have company for the remainder of my time here.

Anyway, I have lots of stories to share-including a trip to the hospital! But you will just have to wait a couple of days for that one.

Anonymous feedback forms are not always anonymous

Let me start out by saying that I HATE dealing with immigration. And, no this is not necessarily a comment on India per se, but, more likely, a comment on government bureaucracies in general. Every time I go there, it's like I have to pry information out of the receptionist about the documents that I need. And then the next time I go, the other receptionist will tell me I need something else before I can submit them. It's a horrid place and mostly try to minimize the time I need to spend there. I was quite relieved, however, when I was finally able to submit my application for registration last Monday. However, that was not to last....



Tuesday at work, I'm in a meeting and I get the following call:



Caller: I'm calling from the FRRO (Foreigner Regional Registration Office). I'm telling you that you need to come for appointment tomorrow morning 10 AM.



Me: 10 AM is not a convenient time for me. I work nights. I need to do it at another time. [I think this just goes to show you start to think you can get ANYTHING changed if you live in India-a sign that I've been here too long.]



Caller: Then I don't know what will happen to your application. [Is that a threat??]



Me: (sigh) Ok. Where do I go?



...



Uh-oh. I mean normally you submit your documents and, right then and there, they give you an appointment to come in a pick up your certificate a week or so later. There usually is neither a phone call nor an appointment with the FRRO to contend with. So, I'm sure you can imagine my state of mind for the rest of the night.



So I manage to get up and get myself to the office early the next morning. None of the administrative people seem to have any record that I have meeting with the FRRO-nor the Assistant Director. Finally they tell the FRRO himself that I am here and bring me in to see him. I sit down and he says to me, "Did you fill out this feedback form?" My initial thought is, "What?" I look and, attached to my application is the 4-question, anonymous feedback form that I had filled out on Monday.



Dozens of things flashed through my mind: How did they match it up? How long did they spend matching it up? Is this why everything there takes so long? Wow, they actually read the feedback forms! And, why exactly did I get only 4 hours of sleep for this?



He proceeded to ask me questions about my comments on their website and even brought in one of the receptionists to chastise her (in front of me) for saying not to go by what's on the website. [Of course, I'm thinking, "Great. Now this woman's going to give me an even harder time than usual when I next have to come here for something!"]



Sigh. I can hardly wait to see what my next trip to immigration will bring...

Elmira

One of the things that I have been missing, that I haven't been able to find a substitute for in India, is Civil War reenacting. Luckily, I timed my return just right in order to be able to attend the 2007 Elmira Civil War Weekend with my former unit.

It was great to be out in the freezing cold, sleeping in a canvas tent...

....eating Denise's food cooked over an open fire....

...frantically mending our outfits....

...and sending our boys off to fight!

It was especially memorable because it was Maggie's first reenactment (look, she's already ready to cheer on the boys of the South!)

Honestly, sometimes I don't even know what I am doing in India

Americans frequently complain about the level of customer or technical service that they get from overseas agents on the phone. However, I have to question: what standard are we holding these agents to and where did we get these standards? Maybe I just get frustated because when I am in the US, I tend to have to deal with a lot of customer service agents in a short period of time or maybe it's because I spend so much time teaching my agents how to reassure, how to communicate resolution and how to empathize with their customers, but, quite honestly, most of the American agents I spoke to are no better than their overseas counterparts in these areas.

For me, this time it revolved around the customer support department for Canon. My camera has been non-cooperative lately and I wanted to see if I could get it fixed while I was in the US. I described the problem and they suggested a resolution and even said they would fix it at no extra cost. (GREAT!) I had a few follow-up questions that I replied to the email with. In the response only ONE question was answered; the rest were ignored. (HMMMM...) But, I was generally pleased with the whole experience, so thought I would try it again, and replied to the new email with several questions. Again, only ONE question was answered and the rest were ignored. (Is this a policy-they are only allowed to answer one question per email???) I was becoming less pleased, so I decided to switch to a different medium-I decided to call.

At this point in time, my major questions had to do with how long the repair would take and if there was any way to expedite it since I do have time constraints for being in the US. In the email, they had told me that their repairs usually take 7-10 business days, but that they would get back to me about my specific repair after I sent in my camera and they had diagnosed the problem. So my questions were: is there any way to make sure that this repair can be finished and my camera returned before I leave? And, if there is no way to expedite it, will I find out how long this specific repair should take after they have diagnosed the problem? I didn't think that these questions would be too difficult, but two front-line agents and one supervisor later, I still had no answers and did not feel in the least like they were there to help me with my situation.

Not only did they not display any interest in helping me with my problem (not that I probably should have expected that from the second agent, she didn't even seem to understand what the problem was), but they gave me great suggestions, like: "Why don't you just pick up your camera when you get back to the US?" (Right, because there's no way I might want to take pictures when I'm OUT of the country??); or, "You can always send it in when you get back" (Again, cuz I might want to have a working camera while I'm out of the country for 6 months?? I don't know??); and, my favorite, when I pointed out that, with service like this, I wasn't planning on buying another Canon, "Well, I have several Canon models at home and I haven't had any trouble with them." (Nice empathy if I was trying to decide what camera to buy, not when I am sitting there with a Canon that is NOT WORKING ALREADY!!! Idiot!)

Anyway, after all of that, I ended up with frustration, a distaste for Canon, and a still broken camera.

And, I would like to point out, all of these agents were American. So, I don't think we can justifiably complain about the service that we get from overseas agents, at least, not while we are complaining about the outsourcing trend. Quite frankly, American agents are no better at customer service skills than those in the overseas markets.

Oh, and Canon? You should train your agents better.

If you are interested, I know a trainer who will be looking for work in the US after October. :)

Kissing Shilpa

I can't believe how much publicity this event got-everywhere I went back in the States people were asking me about this event and I barely knew anything about it!

Anyway, in response, I offer the following humorous article:*

THE KISS THAT NOBODY COULD MISS

What a year it's been for Shilpa Shetty. The Bollywood actress has gained immense exposure around the world,grabbing headlines in major newspapers and getting every TV host in America, even the national ones, to mangle her name.

Shetty first drew worldwide attention when she appeared on the British reality show "Celebrity Big Brother" and endured offensive comments from other contestants, triggering protests in India and the requisite effigy-burning. (More effigies are burned in India than in any other country in the world, according to Raj Sharma, spokesman for the Indian Effigy Manufacturers Association. George W. Bush has been burned in effigy numerous times, but isn't quite in the Top Ten. The only way for him to move up would be to join the Indian cricket team.)

Shetty's activities have been a boon to the effigy industry.Three months after winning "Celebrity Big Brother," she was embroiled in another controversy, having made the mistake of standing too close to Hollywood star Richard Gere.

The pair were at a televised AIDS awareness event in New Delhi, appearing on stage in front of thousands of people,when Gere kissed Shetty on the hand, embraced her, bent her backwards and kissed her several times on the cheek. To some onlookers, it looked like a demonstration. Gere was showing everyone that you can't get AIDS, of course, by kissing a Bollywood actress. (You can't get AIDS by kissing anyone else either, but you can get slapped. Trust me, I know.)

Many men in the audience were naturally upset. It was rude of Gere, even disgraceful, not to invite them to participate. "Demonstration is all well and good," one man said. "But we wanted to see for ourselves that it's safe to kiss Shilpa. We were ready to form a neat line."

Some political activists and others in India were outraged by Gere's act. They called it "obscene" and "vulgar,"causing millions of youngsters to go online to view it. "We were very disappointed," a teen-aged boy said. "She kept her sari on the whole time."

Many others felt that Shetty acted improperly. "She didn't resist at all," said a middle-aged Mumbai woman. "She could have pushed him away. She could have pepper-sprayed him or something."

Several young women from Chennai insisted they would have acted differently. "I'm a Christian," one of them said. "If Richard Gere kissed me passionately on the cheek, I'd show him the other cheek."

Most of the anger on the streets was directed at Gere.Protesters, egged on by political activists, didn't just burn effigies of Gere, they beat them with sticks. That sparked a dozen more protests, most of them organized by PETE (People for the Ethical Treatment of Effigies).

Shetty said people were overreacting and that Gere was just being sweet, prompting an Indian tabloid to print a tongue-twister of a headline: "Shapely Shilpa Shetty shockingly shows no shame!"

Then a lawyer filed a complaint accusing Gere of an"indecent act" and a judge in Rajasthan issued an arrest warrant for Gere. He faced a potential penalty of three months in prison, a fine or both. He'd better watch out or he could find himself sharing a cell with a burly man named Munna.

Gere: "Hello, what are you in here for?"

Munna: "Armed robbery. I robbed a bank and shot three people. What about you?"

Gere: "Kissing."

Munna: "Oh my God! You kissed someone?"

Gere: "Yes, but it was just an innocent ..."

Munna: "Guards! Get me out of here! I don't want to be with this man."

Gere: "Come on, relax. I'm harmless."

Munna: "Stand back, man! Don't come near me with those lips!"

Gere has apologized for the kiss, saying he was just mimicking a scene from his 2004 movie "Shall We Dance" and evidently misread Indian customs. He plans to continue visiting India, but from now on will wear a hockey mask in public to keep himself from kissing anyone.

His experience might give people the impression that public kissing does not occur in India, that no one ever does it.But that's not true at all. A few cases of public kissing have been recorded.

In 2001, for example, a Delhi man and his wife won a new Maruti car in a contest. The man was pictured in the Times of India planting a loving kiss on the front bumper. The next day, members of the right-wing group Shiv Sena burned effigies of the man. Some accused the man of"auto-erotic behavior."

In 2004, a Madurai man was spotted kissing a donkey. The donkey belonged to the man's boss, a flour merchant. The man was arrested and taken to court. "It's my wife's fault," he told the judge. "She told me that if I want the boss to give me a promotion, I need to kiss his ass."

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(c) Copyright 2007 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
www.MelvinDurai.com


*If you visit the site, I also recommend "Anything Goes on Chennai Roads" and "Indian English: It vil be wery helpful, yaar" under the Indian columns

Mysore

In December I was supposed to visit Mumbai to attend a college friend's wedding. However, there was a problem with the hotel booking and a week before the wedding I found myself without a place to stay. Unfortunately, December ("the wedding season") is not a good time to be looking for a last-minute, affordable place to stay.

To make me feel better about missing the trip, a friend organized a quick trip to Mysore.

We saw the palace:

And the "dancing lights" show at Brindavan Gardens:

And got close to nature at Ranganathittu Bird Sanctuary:

Yea, I'm coming home for a vacation!

So one of the things that was falling apart was that I was having a difficult time extending my visa for the extra week that I needed to stay here after it expired. However, that has finally been resolved (albeit all at the last minute!) and I am now free to leave for a vacation in the US. Now I'm starting to frantically pack up my heavy stuff to take home...because I am sure I will accumulate more by the time I am ready to leave again in the fall.

In the meantime, I thought I would share some pictures of some trips that I took but never posted about. Enjoy!

Deception

Ok. I feel like I have led you all on. I mean here you are thinking that I've finally quit and have headed back to the US.

...But that is not truly the case. As it often happens here in India, the last week I was here, I was approached to stay with the company longer. Now, I am sure that you all know my feelings about staying with the training department...however, for the past couple of months, I have enjoyed my time working with one the specific programs. I'm getting to develop training plans, interact with clients, make recommendations (that are actually taken into account!) It's kind of....well, enjoyable.

So I made a rather surprising (to some!) decision to stay for another 6 months, with a trip back to the US in between.

...Of course, after which, almost everything in my life here has started to fall apart, causing me endless days of questioning whether I made the right decision. But, that is another post for another time...

Last Day

I feel as if I should have some meaningful insights to write about my last day of work at the company that has kept me in India and caused me to start this blog, but I can't really come up with any. I mean, it was pretty typical... not typical of last days, mind you, but typical of any day at the company:

The communication team for the program I am now working with was supposed to take a couple of hours and go out to dinner to celebrate my last day of work. Actually, I was supposed to brief them on the new communication curriculum first, then we were supposed to head out to eat. We actually were able to book a training room (very surprising!); however, once inside, I found that the trainer computer had no sound card nor MS Office installed (sigh). While I ran around to try to get someone to fix that, the rest of the team scattered to work on updating the end-of-the-month data that was due. Also, one of the team managers came around to tell us that there was a meeting with the program manager in 5 mins that we needed to attend. Twenty minutes later, the same program manager called to let us know that he was going down for a smoke and would be "right there" (sigh). He also said that the meeting should only last 15 mins. One hour later, one of the other trainers had already gone home and the meeting with the program manager was still in progress.

I think maybe I should revise my post on missing IST. :) I did finally get to go out-with about half of the team; leaving at the time we were supposed to be returning; to a different place than we were planning (it was 12:30 AM-the other place had closed!) The good part was that those of us who did go out had a lot of fun!

1. Close friends

2. Trainees (the good batches!)