So this past weekend my church had a seminar for singles focusing on the topic (you guessed it) "Preparing for Marriage". No, I didn't go. :) But it did get me thinking....
Now, albeit, it was geared more towards the part of the congregation in their early 20s. And here in India, there is still a lot of pressure to be married young (culturally-I know there are exceptions). But still, is it any different in churches in America? Sometimes I feel like churches in American generally don't know what to do with their singles, especially their single females. Especially those of us in our late 20s or older. From my perspective, single males have it easier-they can usually fit in with the men's groups with no problem. But it's difficult for single females to fit in with the normal women's groups-because the topics are often catered to home, marriages or families. And if the church does have a singles program, too often the topics are focused only on preparing for marriage. Even though these programs are usually supposed to encourage the single during this period, it often has the opposite effect making you question yourself more.
What do I think should be done? I don't mind having separate singles events and married couples events within a church, but I don't always want to focus on that status. Can't we focus on being content with our status as it is without having to look at it as preparation for the "next stage" (which may or may not be marriage)? Can't we just work on following God regardless of our marital status?
OK. I'll get off my soapbox now! :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
By preparation of marriage one means that an individual has to be mentally ready to be married. One may be even 18 and ready for marriage whereas there may be others (like you) who are older and prefer to stay single.Marriage is a choice and there is no harm preparing for it. Marriage is more than just living under one roof, it is more a union of the mind. And if the mind is not prepared then often the marriage ends ! I hope you understood......And yes the church is a good ground to prepare for marriage as it spiritually lets you into the finer aspects of a marriage. In the US it is difficult for singles to meet the right person and that is why the church acts as a medium to support this cause.
ReplyDeleteLor
ReplyDeletein the church that I'm in there aren't any mixed small groups. The small groups are for singles of the same sex or married couples. It's so stupid. Plus every other month there's another conference about "singleness" but is really about how to find a mate. luckily I don't have a real job so i have the excuse of no money and working on weekends to get out of going with the rest of the group.
Amen Sister!
ReplyDeleteI think that churches need to cater better for singles. I don't think that's best done by running endless workshops on marriage. I think the church should acknowledge that singleness is a blessing. There are so many things single people can do that married people can't do as easily. Like move overseas or help out in different ministries.
Marriage preparation can decend into patronising smug married people lecturing you.
I agree single men probably have it slightly easier.
Pete, I think single sex small group s are stupid unless it's just for a few weeks to talk about particular issues.
I think the church needs to transcend status's, age and gender. Sure run some events targeted to different people but be a community.
The church is meant to be a community of believes. How can we have common unity if we are all split up according to marital status?
end rant.
Hey Lori,
ReplyDeleteI agree that too often churches focus on the blessing of marriage at the expense of the blessing of singleness. Paul even says, "I wish that all men were as I am (that is, single). But each man has his own gift from God" (1 Corinthians 7:7).
Single people are a lot more flexible than marrieds and can devote more time and energy to the Lord's work. I say they can devote more time; that's not always the case.
I was single for 29 years before I got married. I for one had more opportunity to do ministry in my single years, but I'm doing more now. Mostly because for the majority of my single years, I was worried about how/when I was going to find a wife. When I found my wife, my thoughts weren't on "the search," so I could relax and do more ministry.
(Actually, it was toward the end of my single years that I really began to enjoy doing the Lord's work--so much so that I did consider remaining single so I could stay focused.)
If you're single, are secure in who you are as a follower of Jesus and are seeking first the Kingdom of God, you can have tremendous impact.
I agree with you on this wholeheartedly! We live in a culture of divorce and lonliness, and the church seems to just continue turning a blind eye to it, rather than addressing it or accomodating for it. There is no marriage in Heaven, meaning it is temporal and yet the church acts as if there is no life without it!
ReplyDeleteI myself enjoy my singleness, especially after suffering in a Christian marriage of domestic violence and then divorce. My relationship with God is such now that I am no longer willing to share it with anyone else. I am whole and complete just the way I am and feel sorry for others who feel that having the approval and love of another human is a necessity and their only option for a happy life.
This is just one of the quite a few issues the church HAS to take their head out of the sand about if they want to grow and connect with people.
No wonder the unsaved find us so out of step with reality. Because we ARE.
a bunch of men can get together, and regardless of their marital status, can talk about cars, food, and movies. They can grunt and burp, drink beer, discuss politics, religion, theology, weather, pop culture, real culture, science, technology, or women. Or they can not talk about anything, and eat, or watch a game, or play a game, or stare at traffic, or do something productive.
ReplyDeleteare women incapable of getting together in groups and not talking about marriage and children and families?
-stephen
"are women incapable of getting together in groups and not talking about marriage and children and families?"
ReplyDeleteno they are not...but the church especially doesn't know what to do with women when they don't. I even know of a certain denomination that runs intelligent single women out of their churches out of fear of them.
If it were more acceptable for a women to be single without being labled a feminist nazi, a home wrecher or a lesbian, you would hear more diverse conversation coming from them.
I am forever being labled as "bitter" and still not healed from my divorce because I am happy being single, set apart for God's work, and no longer in need of a romantic relationship in my life to feel accepted and/or loved.
I think people's attitudes and prejudices need to change before you see the conversation subjects change.
On another note, I can rarely discuss other subjects around some men without being interrupted, condescended down to and argued with, just for the sake of them not wanting to look less informed, even when they obviously are. Insecurity...it's not just a "girl" thing.
Amen sister..
ReplyDeleteHey Mike why 4 years...thats a long wait dont you think ?
ReplyDeleteWow!!! Singleness has attracted more comments than any other post by Lori ... Now I know why people say don't discuss SEX, RELIGION AND POLITICS when in a group now I can add blog too the list :)... I see all these topics touched in this post and what we have is mixed feelings and emotional explosion... I am out of here before I am dragged into this debate ... :)))))
ReplyDeleteHey Lori,
ReplyDeleteCarolyn McCulley is a Christian, single, (I think 40-something) woman who has a website dedicated to "providing an encouraging word to single women." She's also got a blog. I think she has a lot of good stuff to say.